Now, the inhuman leftist menace is best divided by age group – this is where the greatest distinctions lie.

0-13: These poor innocent children, being paraded in front of the news cameras to cynically gain sympathy!
13-18: Spoiled ignorant teenagers going through a rebellious phase – they can be completely disregarded. It’s not like they can vote.
18-25: Buncha feral hippie grungy weirdoes living on a commune in outer Gippsland munching vegan curries and spray-painting people’s houses – at the same time!
25-35: Elite young technocrats sipping lattes over their inter-e-mails while plotting their next violent clash with the police! (food and drink different to what you prefer is evidence of completely flawed politics)
35-45: Smug, brutish, bullying old union officials happily sitting on fat salaries, in the pocket of big government and big business! (despite those being the enemies of the unions since FOREVER)
45-55: Chardonnay-sipping intellectuals who sit in their leafy suburbs and never actually do anything! (if you see them actually doing anything, they’re probably old-looking 35-45s. Remember, even old-looking 35-45s are dangerous thugs, be careful)
55+: Deluded, greedy pensioners using senile rhetoric from before the war to try to get a bigger slice of the pie!

A lefty will go through each of these phases during their life. The fact that this would involve gaining and losing hundreds and thousands of dollars in a matter of a few years only proves that class is not an important issue in Australia. The fact that this would involve coming from radically different family backgrounds should be ignored, because families are very very very very very very important. Unless they’re lefties.

Remember, the most dangerous aspect of these unpatriotic, idealistic, crazy, girly-wristed lefties is their ability to look, sound and act exactly like regular people. Do not be fooled!

(information compiled from The Herald Sun, The Australian, recent The Age, Parliament Question Time, talkback radio)

(coming soon: the Other Lefties: A Spotter’s Guide range. Exactly the same, but with the category you belong to removed)