D’you ever forget something essential when you’re out shopping? You know, you lug your groceries home, step over the doorstep and realise you’ve got everything for your cabbage soup except the cabbages. I had a case of that this week. I hit four different shops, all across town, and it wasn’t until I was home and comfortable before I noticed that I’d forgot chicken fillets for Ms Merah’s dinner, and a 9-volt battery to replace one that’d gone dead. So, I had to go back! Naturally, one tries to think of some plausible explanation for the cashier, to explain why one is purchasing those and only those items, without seeming strange.
“YES! Chicken, and batteries! The final components required for my masterwork of science! I WILL restore life to this lifeless tissue – sinew, bone and the infinite complexity of neural pathways! They laughed at my theories, but soon – soon! – Reverse Culinary Biology will restore my shattered reputation and the Academy will realise my genius!”
And that’s the story of how I avoided embarrassment at the supermarket register! Call me Dr Awkward, because I mastered that stuff – with SCIENCE!
The Notorious L.Y.N.Z. was heard to remark,
Upon the 7th of May, 2010 at 8:05 pm,
I have the ‘embarrassment at the conveyor belt’ story to beat all, unfortunately it didn’t happen to me personally…. an online pal had a $20 voucher to use up at Walmart and figured she could stock up with a bumper buy of KY jelly, which – suspend all perviness – is commonly used upon the male horse for hygiene reasons *ahem*. Entirely innocent bathing! That of course was not the perfectly reasonable explanation apparent when she planted 10 bottles of KY on the counter, the assistant said it only added up to $17, and she said “I’ll just grab three more bottles….. *crickets*…… it’s for my horse!”
*uncomfortable silence throughout store*