Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891

Lettres

Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

Playlist and excerpts from script for The Difference Hours on SYN 90.7 – 25/3

Penned upon the 25th of March, 2006

Week four 25/3 – CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
In which the most brutal excesses of man were explored.

Features this week:
STORY TIME

Music this week:
Sinister Ducks – Old Gangsters Never Die
The Decemberists – On The Bus Mall
The Seatbelts – Musawe
Gilbert and Sullivan – My Gallant Crew, Good Morning
Kevin Gilbert – The Way Back Home
Tom Waits – Gun Street Girl
David Bowie – I Have Not Been To Oxford Town
Jill Tracy – The Proof
Duke Ellington, Charles Mingus, Max Roach – Switch Blade
Sherlock Holmes – A Scandal in Bohemia, Part Two
Sforzando – Pass Me A Rum
Dresden Dolls – Missed Me
Morphine – Murder For The Money
Gogol Bordello – Through The Roof n Underground
The Jam – Down In The Tube Station At Midnight
Firewater – Folsom Prison Blues
Patti Smith – Land
Tori Amos – Little Amsterdam
The Go Set – 1788

Excerpts this week:
“The Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote of crime and punishment: of man’s spiritual redemption through suffering, inner turmoil and contemplation of one’s sins. Here in the BRITISH EMPIRE, however, we live under a system of Rule of Law, and punishment is doled out in the OLD BAILEY by wigged magistrates according to a system of judicial precedent! Disputatious ne’er-do-wells and vexatious youths are dealt with swiftly, in accordance with principles of science. ”

“This song does contain a certain amount of shocking language, so those possessing a delicate disposition, such as Mannerist painters or members of the House of Lords, are advised to cover their ears for the following six minutes.”

“As longtime listeners are no doubt aware, I steadfastly deny the vicious rumours that I have, in the past, acted as a political assassin. I was nowhere near the Schoenbrunn Palace, Vienna, that day in 1861. My collection of modified air-rifles is purely ornamental, and my boundless opulence is the result of sound investment in the leopard oil industry. Is it my fault if the clients of my pharmaceutical endeavors, due to pathological eccentricity, choose to pay me only in anonymous packages disguised as wholesale shipments of tinned beans, Pimms no.1 and The Yellow Book? I swear, you maintain a decades-long vendetta against the favoured sons of the Habsburg monarchy and people act like there’s something queer about it.”

“I was riding the Underground, attempting a short-cut from Hyde Park to The Earl Grey, a social club I am co-founder of, when I was set about by smooth-headed thugs intent on fracturing the line of my suit! Their sinews were hardened by years of toil carting Tory MPs from Parliament sittings to their private offices in wheel-barrows, so things looked grim, until I recalled I had concealed a monitor revolver in my top-hat. After dispatching his fellows, I was able to coerce their goonish leader into revealing they had been sent by the Weary Dunlop of crime, Hominy Morgenthaum!”

“Like all good serial killings, this show must eventually come to an end, leaving police baffled and tabloid-newspaper-printers disappointed.”


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