Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891


Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

Playlist and excerpts from script for The Difference Hours on SYN 90.7 – 8/4

Penned upon the 9th of April, 2006

An Attractive Hat

Week Six 8/4 – FASHION
In which the art of dressing well was explored to its most decadent conclusion.

Features this week:

Music this week:
The Kinks – Dedicated Follower of Fashion
Gogol Bordello – Start Wearing Purple
David Bowie – Velvet Goldmine
Ella Fitzgerald – Top Hat, White Tie and Tails
Mark Lanegan – Wedding Dress
My Fair Lady – Ascot Gavotte
Firewater – The Notorious & Legendary Dog & Pony Show
Nina Hagen – I Want To Be Happy
Tori Amos – Mr Zebra
The Upper Crust – I’ve Got My Ascot ‘n’ My Dickie
Desert Sessions – Powdered Wig Machine
The Velvet Underground – Venus In Furs
Doctor Who – Common People
Sherlock Holmes – Silver Blaze
HMS Pinafore – Now Give Three Cheers
Noel Coward – The Stately Homes of England
The Decemberists – I Was Meant For The Stage
Rasputina – All Tomorrow’s Parties
PJ Harvey – Dress
Patti Smith – Gloria
Ray Brown – Alice Blue Gown
Tom Waits – Flower’s Grave
Thomas Dolby – Silk Pyjamas
The Seatbelts – Slipper Sleaze
Missy Elliott – Funky Fresh Dressed

Excerpts this week:
“I’m down at Messrs Brindle & Sutherdon, my Savile Row tailors, nibbling at one of their Savile oranges while I’m fitted for a new suit. Winter is rolling in, listeners, rain clouds threaten to knock the tops off tall church steeples and yesterday morning, a bricklayer in Cheapside was found buried up to his neck in an impenetrable shell of soot, ice and smog. High time to invest in some fashionable new woollens, wouldn’t you agree?”

“And that taught us an important lesson: self-expression leads inevitably to grossly indecent acts, just as Pimms No. 1 leads to Pimms No. 6. ”

“But we are fortunate to have such wonderful circuses with our bread – cabaret, vaudeville, burlesque, music hall… by the Anglican God, I hope no-one invents a new form of entertainment which comes to totally dominate the industry while delivering weak, insipid, repetitive content aimed solely at the lowest common denominator. Why, anyone who did something like that should be locked in the idiot box!”

“I was an actor myself, you know, oh yes. I played them all. Rosencrantz… Ubu… Godot! Godot was by far and away my favourite role. I had the hearts and minds of the British public in my hand, and later in my carpetbag for safe travel storage. I’d give my mechanical left ring finger to be back in the spotlight, but it’s firmly bolted to the bone.”

“Like a necktie tied into a luxurious Full Windsor, this show has an end, even if it is concealed inside the smart-looking peaked collar of a silken waistcoat. We have followed this necktie of metaphor from its humble beginnings through the impressive, perfectly-symmetrical knot of its content and down to its climactic finish, and now it is time to take off that tie and drape it from the doorknob, to indicate to one’s chums that one is sequestered with a particularly gripping treatise on political economy and does not wish to be disturbed.”

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