Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891

Lettres

Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

Mr Slanders – Society Gossip For The New Year!

Penned upon the 1st of January, 2007

Mr Slanders!
Happy new year, libel-philes! And happy it has been indeed, for those whose ability to imbibe is only outmatched by their servants’ willingness to carry them home! Mr Gregory Allegory, the American Millionaire, was of course the talk of the town, until his personal style consultants, Cedric and Ulysses Rogery, interrupted the party to claim an unpaid bill, and Mr Allegory was unceremoniously dumped in the street without even his clothes. Adelaide Hawkesmont CeauÅŸescu was in attendance with his personal assistant and night-nurse, Geremy A.M., whose patience and tolerance is renowned. Lord Cyril, of Cyril and Handicap, entered a roaring argument with a waiter over the correct spelling of “soirée” and had to be disciplined by the host. Ms Vera Riekergard‘s wit captivated the decadents and swells, her stoic silences keeping them tittering well into the night. Mr Gerrald Oliver Pettigrew began swinging from the chandelier, crying about his dreadful reliance on Powdered Leopard Oil, before propelling himself through the enormous plate mirror and sleeping it off in the butler’s quarters. Inspector Campbell of Scotland Yard sniffed distastefully. Brigadier-General Mortimer Shepstone attempted to break Sir Frederick Chook‘s arm, but was put into a headlock by Miss Charlotte Mollyhouse and locked in the coal cellar. At the end of the celebrations, Nigel Delaney challenged Pinot Noir, the Terror of Milan to a duel and was brutally murdered in the ornamental garden.


If you so desire, you may follow any commentary upon this missive with the aid of our “RSS-O-Matic” apparatus.

Neither remarks nor trackings-back are currently permitted, so as to focus your attention better upon the wisdom herein.


Commentary upon “Mr Slanders – Society Gossip For The New Year!”

  1. Madam C was heard to remark,

    Upon the 5th of January, 2007 at 8:31 pm,

    One of my more successful little gatherings, I feel – although Lord Cyril will never look at an overripe avocado the same way again. The little scamp, always so beligerant after his 6th brandy. And speaking of consumables, I spoke to that charming Latvian Countess (you remember – the one with the extrodinary wig), and she found your impromptu pineapple sculptures of the royal family most diverting. As for Mr Pettigrew, I fear he has not endeared himself to Cockfoster, who (I am ashamed to say) sought his revenge by serving a rather inferior marmelade with breakfast, and tampering with the unfortunate Mr Pettigrew’s umbrella. Even the finest servants can be a little tempremental, when provoked.


  2. Sir Frederick Chook was heard to remark,

    Upon the 5th of January, 2007 at 8:37 pm,

    Oui, oui, all compliments to the host! And that wily Cockfoster – I thought I heard Lady Marmelade complaining about something to Lord Horseradish, but I simply assumed her nephew, Bertie Worcestershire, was in town!


Further remarks are not permitted.