Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891

Lettres

Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

The Hubris House for Young Troublemakers

Penned upon the 27th of February, 2011

Reginald, Lord Hubris, was the 13th and final Baron of Hubris Hall – he cemented the fall of that noble peerage, through his wanton greed for money and power, and through his cruel and barbarous temper. He now heads, among a number of disreputable business interests, the Hubris House for Young Troublemakers, a preparatory school of crime, which boasts to turn the mere street-urchins and tearaways of today into the hardened professional criminals of tomorrow. By the figures alone, the institution is a remarkable success – sixty percent of graduates are involved in a serious felony within eight months, and those who go on to Bluestone College invariably complete their terms with flying colours and the approbation of their peers. It is the diversity of the syllabus, however, which sets Hubris House above the common kidsman’s lair or mob den. The faculty and staff represent a rogues gallery of Europe’s fallen aristocracy and ascended underworld; the struck off, disbarred and unfrocked. By way of example, we offer the classes available for the coming year.

HUBRIS HOUSE – FIRST TERM

MALOCUTION: Cant, Argot and Backtalk; the Languages of the Streets
Professor Peachum

LE FLEURS DE MAL: Criminal Botany
Miss Petunia Baudelaire

CONCEALED WEAPONS AND DISARMING QUESTIONS
A. J. Raffles (Guest Lecturer)

HIDING THE BODY, ADVANCED CLASS: Mountain Climbing
Sir Julian Freke

THE BASICS OF FENCING: Swords and Swag
Correspondence Course, University of Penzance

IMPERSONATION, IMPROVISATION & IMPORTUNATION (Practical)
Mr Nigel Delaney

LOCKS, SAFES AND BOXWORK
Blindfold Bill Rumm
Cancelled due to reformation

DEPORTMENT AND DECEPTION: Looking Innocent
M. Arsene Lupin

POLITICAL ASSASSINATION: Big Game Hunting
Colonel Sebastian Moran

ALL STUDENTS MUST TAKE NO LESS THAN ONE CORE AND TWO PERIPHERAL CLASSES

GRADUATES MUST PROVIDE PROOF OF CAREER PLACEMENT OR SUCCESSFUL BLACKMAIL


(I must thank Ms Merah and Messrs Jack and Sebastian for their largesse to these lessons, which shall at end of year culminate in a final exam for which the world is not yet prepared.)


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Commentary upon “The Hubris House for Young Troublemakers”

  1. Lord Hubris was heard to remark,

    Upon the 28th of October, 2013 at 11:53 pm,

    Some say I have no concern for acceptable behaviour – that I haven’t even the morals of a beast – but I say, you can’t spell MILD YAK STANDARDS without DASTARDLY KIDSMAN!


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