Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891


Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

Conversations Held From Top-Floor Windows, Part Three

Penned upon the 23rd of May, 2014

Mr Paternoster, the Ulster Patter Knockerupper,
With his kepi cap and his figure like a bannister,
Looking slim and dapper as he rapped upon the shutter
Of the private chamber of the carpetbagger, Cannister.

“Good morning, Mr Cannister!,” quoth Mr Paternoster,
“I am the knockerupper of your upper neighbour, Foster,
I’ve knocked up tinkers, thinkers, ministers and spinsters
In Worcester, Chester, Leicester, Pinner and Westminster.”

“For a little silver, I can take my sturdy tapper,
And rap upon your boudoir to wake you from your slumber.
I draw it from its wrapper and produce a lovely clatter,
A stimulating clamor not unlike a church-bell’s clapper.”

“Mr Paternoster,” replied the carpetbagger,
“You are a dratted bother and shall not get a copper.
Your patter is but chatter without wit or tact or meter.
Now kindly bugger off or I shall become improper.”

“And, further, if I ever hear again the pitter-patter
Of your filthy slippers beneath my stately louver,
You’ll share the fate and plight of the late Mrs Miter,
The frightfully flighty East Brighton lamplighter.”

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Commentary upon “Conversations Held From Top-Floor Windows, Part Three”

  1. Sir Frederick Chook was heard to remark,

    Upon the 23rd of May, 2014 at 10:11 pm,

    “How can the top floor have an upper neighbour?” you scoff.
    But of course the number system does not count the loft.

  2. DollyDagger was heard to remark,

    Upon the 17th of July, 2014 at 1:55 am,

    I adore this. I want to memorise it to impress people.

Further remarks are not permitted.