Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891


Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

The archive for “Lettres”

The following lettres were filed in this category:

An Anecdote of Infrastructure

Posted upon the 13th of April, 2016

I don’t know that I’ve told you the story of Humphert Narrow. “Straight-As-A” Narrow, as he was known, was Inspector of Public Works for the Borough of Constant Tooting, enough years ago that this position carried a great deal of respectability. He was a professional of the old school – one who had no time […]

Can You Tie It In A Bow?

Posted upon the 4th of August, 2015

In what might very loosely be considered a tribute to the continuing centenary of the Great War, I’ve been investigating a couple of examples of puzzling phraseology that have both been attributed to that era. First, that well-known American children’s song, “Do Your Ears Hang Low.” Some trace the lyrics back to soldiers’ songs of […]

Ode to a Crossroads

Posted upon the 21st of July, 2015

When the Ballyhoo Said “howdeedoo,” Well I nearly flapped my tam. And the splendid Fyffe Turned quite skewiff And fell into the jam. Then the Strettle broke From Martha’s yoke And stole my racing-kettle. So I find myself (In rude-ish health) At the corner of Fyffe and Strettle.

Now That’s What I Call Baphomet!

Posted upon the 29th of December, 2014

Summer is waxing here in the colonies, as evinced by the sudden abundance of tepid white jazz, played in every even remotely public space. Some of it is Christmas songs (I hesitate to call them “carols”), to be sure, but the Powers That Be seem to be somehow convinced that any Rat Pack-era recording counts […]

The Nurgatory Tale of Septimus Flong

Posted upon the 12th of November, 2014

Septimus Flong, the Dandy Nong, Walked his octopus down Fisherman’s Prong, Though common folk would point and joke At this strange pet in its jewelled yoke And at his coat of brilliant satin And his pumps of antique pattern And his stockings, striped in puce, And his trews (in cut, quite loose.) But Septimus, he […]

A couple walk into a talent agent’s office…

Posted upon the 8th of October, 2014

A couple walk into a talent agent’s office and announce “Have we got an act for you!” The agent, surprised but not uninterested, asks “Well, what kind of act?” “Oh,” they reply, “it’s a real family act. Everyone gets in on the show!” “How does it go, this family act?” “Well, it starts off with […]

Conversations Held From Top-Floor Windows, Part Three

Posted upon the 23rd of May, 2014

Mr Paternoster, the Ulster Patter Knockerupper, With his kepi cap and his figure like a bannister, Looking slim and dapper as he rapped upon the shutter Of the private chamber of the carpetbagger, Cannister. “Good morning, Mr Cannister!,” quoth Mr Paternoster, “I am the knockerupper of your upper neighbour, Foster, I’ve knocked up tinkers, thinkers, […]

Conversations Held From Top-Floor Windows, Part Two

Posted upon the 16th of December, 2013

Florid Flâneur: Hulloa, Mrs Follyhaven! Hulloa! Irascible Landlady: Who d’you think you are, making that racket while decent folk are trying to eat their dinner? Flâneur: Dinner is exactly the question, Mrs Follyhaven, and I am but a modest traveller who would like to have some in your fine establishment! Landlady: Oh, bleeding hell, it’s […]