Sir F. Chook, Inventor of Leopard Oil

Likeness captured upon a daguerrotype machine in Japan, July 1891

Lettres

Wherein the Author reflects upon certain topical & personal issues of the Day.

Third Annual International Mixed Doubles Quadricycle Race!

Penned upon the 19th of September, 2006

Games-lovers lined the streets today to see the preliminary wheel-rotatings before the Ultimately Final Round of the 3rd Annual International Mixed Doubles Quadricycle Race here in town. Additional constables were required to direct the crowd, but unfortunately could not be provided by the city; consequentially, directionlessness ran rampant and one child’s ice-cream was upset all over the footpath.


The challengers, Mr and Mrs Anton Speedloader of Unwise Bathing, Connecticut, impressed a group of impressionable spectators from Brighton by taking a corner on two wheels and uttering humorous threats against a newspaper-seller. Mrs Speedloader declared her confidence at winning the title of World Lady-Champion Mixed Double Quadricyclist, stating that her competitors “didn’t have a bison’s hope between them”.


Current champions, Mr Murray Antler-Figpit and Ms Vera Riekergard, “the fastest lesbian in Lancashire”, arrived at the event with their usual understated stolidity, drawing applause from a legion of straw-boater’d enthusiasts. Declining to comment but apparently unconcerned about any notion of losing the title they have held for two years running, the champions spent most of the afternoon in close discussion with their manager, who rumour has it has kept them on a diet of beef tea and radishes for the entire month.

The race will be held tomorrow, after lunch.


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